Mod version
Last updated
January 09, 2021
The Sims 4
Game Version
Overview Files Requirements Issues Changes Development
Refer is a mod for the game "The Sims 4"

Refer is a mod that allows sims to finally be talked about with pronouns that match their gender identity. Gender non-conforming sims can now easily change their preferred pronouns, sims can swap between the "male" and "female" pronouns, switch to using they / them, or select a "neopronoun" to be called by.

Note: This mod currently only works if your using the English version of the game.

Visit the issues section for important information!


  • Easily change any sim's preferred pronouns at any time
  • Select from 5 possible non-binary pronoun sets, including 4 of the most common "neopronouns".
  • Give a sim more unique pronouns, beyond what is included by default, through a simple dialog.


View issues

Questions and Answers

Q: Can I install this mod without having to start a new game?
A: Yes! You should be able to install this mod at any point in your play-through without issue.

Q: How easy is it to remove this mod? Will uninstalling it break my save game?
A: This mod can be easily removed by deleting all its files or using the mod's included uninstaller. Removing this mod mid play-through should cause no issues.

Q: Will this mod increase my load time a lot?
A: This mod may add a few seconds (or longer depending on how bad your computer is) when a save is first loaded as we need to find all to localization text in the game. Thankfully, we save what we found so subsequent first loads will not take as long. When ever the game updates, this load time increase may appear again as we will likely need to check for new text.

Q: How do I change my sim's preferred pronouns?
A: Click any sim and go to NeonOcean > Refer > Pronoun Settings. Select the "Pronouns" option in the dialog that appears to choose the sim's preferred pronouns.

Q: Will you add in a way for gender non-conforming sims to ask others to use their preferred pronouns?
A: I might add in a simple interaction to allow this but it wouldn't affect whether or not others use your sim's pronouns as there is no real way to determine who's talking. Just think of the sims world as one in which even your worst enemy respects your pronouns and everyone can use telepathy to determine what your preferred pronouns are.

Q: A set of pronouns I want my sim to use isn't in this mod, is there any way for me to add them?
A: Right now, there is no way for you to add in a custom pronoun set. But I do plan to add in a way soon.

Mod Links

Documentation -
Sources Repository -

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This mod is reliant on one or more other mods to function, check the requirements tab to download these.

Installer (Windows Only) Temporarily disabled
An executable to automatically place this mod in The Sims 4 mod folder. You would want to use the installer if you want to expend minimal effort to setup this mod. It can do some nifty stuff like uninstalling any old versions, and automatically enabling mods if you wish. This can currently only run on Windows computers.
Files (Manual Installation)
The mod files contained in a zip folder. Download this if you would like to install the mod manually or you can't use the installer. If you need assistance installing this mod, a guide can be found in the mod's documentation.
The source code and other raw files used to make this mod. You should only download this if you know what you are doing.
If you would like to download outdated versions of this mod you can do so here:
Previous versions

Required Mods

I don't know a lot about gender neutral pronouns beyond what I learned while doing research for this mod. Tell me if I've done something wrong while creating this mod.

Unsolvable problems

These issues exist because they would be very difficult or even impossible to fix.

  • They / Them Pronoun Issues
    • "She's" and "he's" does not have a direct replacement for they / them pronouns. Both "they're" and "they've" work in different cases and its not really feasible for this mod to automatically detect when to use which. The only way I could fix this issue was to manually set which to use for each case. This means that Refer will ignore any instances of "she's" and "he's" that may occur in other mods not explicitly supported.

    • Using they / them pronoun may result in grammatically incorrect sentences in a few cases. There isn't any real way to rewrite the sentences on the fly or even detect if using they or them is grammatically incorrect. I recommend using a "neopronoun" instead if you really want to avoid this issue.

  • General Issues
    • The game will occasionally use your sim's pronouns to refer to sims that don't actually exist in the world. For example, the game may make up a fake co-worker in the situational "should your sim do x or should they do y" dialogs and refer to them in the same way they do your sim.

Incompatible Mods

This mod has no known incompatible mods.


This mod has no known bugs.

Reporting Issues

If you are experiencing unexpected problems with this mod you can report your troubles via this mod's Github page. Be sure to check the mod's documentation to learn the proper procedure for reporting bugs.

Bug reporting guide

Change Log

v1.1.3 (December 9, 2020)

  • This mod now works correctly on Apple computers.
  • Fixed crash that occurs when certain bits of text appears.
  • Improved text handling for a few edge cases.

v1.1.2 (December 16, 2020)

  • It is now again possible to modify custom pronoun sets.

v1.1.1 (December 15, 2020)

  • Fixed bug where an exception occurs because text with one or more non-sim token appears.

v1.1.0 (December 12, 2020)

  • Added support for Main's new bug reporting feature.
  • Fixed minor issues with new Star Wars and Snowy Escape packs.

v1.1.0-alpha.2 (November 1, 2020)

Custom Pronoun Set Creator

  • Added a way to delete custom pronoun sets.
  • Various other improvements

v1.1.0-alpha.1 (September 21, 2020)

Custom Pronoun Set Creator

  • Added a way to create custom pronoun sets.

v1.0.1 (September 1, 2020)

  • Fixed an issue that can occur when another mod uses the gender tag in a weird way I've never seen before.

v1.0.0 (August 19, 2020)

  • Initial release